This has been a horrible week for America and the tensions within this country have been highlighted rather publicly. Yes, I’m talking about the brutal murder of Charlie Kirk at Utah Valley University. I think the fact that I’m hesitant to speak my mind about this speaks a lot to the culture of America right now.

I think that no matter what Charlie Kirk said, and some of it could be taken as horrific, the fact that he was murdered during a public speaking event on a college campus is totally unacceptable to me. The fact that the school shootings have become so commonplace is also unacceptable to me. Not to mention, the brutal stabbing of Iryna Zarutska on the bus in Charlotte.

All of this makes me sad. All of these things can be disturbing at the same time. But the Kirk murder really gets to me, and not because I was a huge Charlie Kirk fan. Like many people, his videos showed up in my feed and I occasionally watched them. I didn’t always agree with him, sometimes I did, often I didn’t. But I noticed that he was always a good listener, he always heard what the other person had to say, and responded with his own thoughts.

To me, this is what makes America a beautiful place. The fact that we can (could?) facilitate open debates about topics that people have very strong, often differing stances on, without murdering, arresting, or otherwise ruining the life of the other human being.

The death of Charlie Kirk signals that this kind of free speech in the States is in peril. To be sniped on a college campus while debating topics with students and politically active individuals is a disturbing thing. I know it isn’t the first activist to be assassinated in this country, but it’s the first one that has been my age, during my time of adulthood.

It’s sad to see people celebrate this event. The people who are rejoicing over this don’t realize the symbolism behind it. This is bigger than Kirk. It’s a sign that free speech is being challenged, and it’s bad.

To further prove my point, some people I have seen voicing similar concerns on social media have been met with claims of being a Nazi sympathizer. They fail to see that this same sentiment is being echoed by reasonable minds on all sides of the aisle. If you aren’t blinded by political rage, you can see things more clearly, from a higher vantage point. And from where I’m standing, Charlie Kirk’s assassination is troubling on many levels.

It’s different from the Luigi Mangione situation from earlier this year, when the United Healthcare CEO was shot in cold blood. It’s different from school shootings, which are horrible but not the same kind of problem as this. This was an event that destabilized the American confidence in open debate, and leads people to fear sharing their thoughts.

And the fact that I’m afraid to post this, to share these reflections, even in my own personal internet journal, is troubling. I’ve been a music journalist for a long time. I’m having second thoughts about wanting to engage with the music industry because the people are so far into censorship and uniformity of thought that it doesn’t appeal to me anymore.

Musicians are supposed to be the most open minded people on the planet, but many of them have become blinded by political rage and fail to see the irony in their own words. And the fact that I could be called horrific names for sharing these thoughts, when I have always strived to be open-minded, accepting, and loving towards all people is sad to me.

I wish society didn’t become so political over the past decade. Of course I will still be doing music journalism, but the whole system seems flawed. Everything seems flawed.

The only thing I can think to do is to work towards my goals, establish my life the way I envision it, and go hide in the mountains until old age.